THE GOLDEN BOX SERIES: EPISODE 2

Before I begin I’d like to mention my frustration and agony, which was like a urinary infection lodged in a hemorrhoid (I know it doesn’t make biological sense, but you get the point), of not mentioning the following films:

BRINGING UP BABY (1938); a delightfully slapstick story of Carey Grant trying to get rid of a leopard, but more importantly the well-meaning Katharine Hepburn.

TRAINS, PLANES AND AUTOMOBILES (1987); superb Steve Martin tries to get home for thanksgiving, but when does transport work?

DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS (1988); Another Steve Martin (with another role for Michael Caine) masterpiece with great comedy and a fun twist, as two con artists face off.

BOWFINGER (1999); the final Steve Martin film I will mention, performed superbly with Eddie Murphy, and one that any filmmaker can relate to.

COMING TO AMERICA (1988); Eddie Murphy at his best, with Arsenio Hall (even James Earl Jones and a cameo from Samuel L. Jackson), fulfills such a great story, with so many funny moments.

A SHOT IN THE DARK (1964); Peter Sellers, the great Inspector Clouseau, solving so many murders with a trail of mistakes.

It is truly a torture for a critic to have to make these kinds of choices but they needed to be made. Each of these I feel was worthy of the top five…

[Oh damn, also THE PRODUCERS (1968) and YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN (1974) and… Alright… Deep breath. Where was I? Oh yes…]

…But the line needed to be drawn (in the sand, by my own blood). I can only beg each of these filmmakers to take solace in the joint sixth position, but there will be no metaphorical golden award sent by my pet parrot.

However, I do recommend these films as great fun, and worth watching.

TOP 5 GOLDEN COMEDIES

Although, my loyal reader, I consider myself better versed in tragedies, dramas, and all-round depressing things (perhaps due to my uneventful and happy upbringing), I have a guilty envy of comedy. I consider it to be, not only extremely sophisticated, but the greatest way to project a point, without being obvious. Because even the smallest joke is a disassociation of two stories, as one of my favorite examples would attest:

1. A comedian walks on stage and says:

“When I was a kid, I told everyone I wanted to be a comedian, and they all laughed. Well, they’re not laughing any more.”

2. Another comedian stands in silence for ten seconds, then comes out with:

“A lot of people tell me…

Another long pause, and then:

… GET OUT OF MY GARDEN!”

In both cases, a story gets established and then a second gets brought in to completely throw the first one on its head. However, while I laughed at both of these, I felt that the first stayed with me longer, as there was a beautiful twisted logic to the first. The second misleads you, but the first misleads you twice.

I feel that this example very much captures how a truly great comedy can take a step above the rest. Not only should the film be ripe with these two shifts, but also it has to encompass the entire film. When considering the story, visuals and actions, in recollection, you cannot help but grimace at the hilarity. In other words, it’s not just the pear that should be sweet, but the seeds, the rind, the stem, the branch, the tree, and the entirety of China (I mention them as they are the largest pear producers. Shut up, it works!).

I find that to make it that top-level comedy, visuals have to contribute to this as much as the words that surround them, and there has to be some overarching brilliance to the end product. It never faltered at somehow making something horrifying, scary or serious; into laugh out loud, evacuate your bowels, go streaking through you parents-in-laws’ house, funny.

I have struggled to accumulate what I consider to be the superb films in this genre, as I have and will go on to, with others. But I consider these to be the ones that have certain qualities that put them above the rest:

5. SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959); often considered the greatest. I have to admit that this is a lot lower than I had originally thought I would put this film, and I apologize to the great Billy Wilder for it (and more to the point; Jack Lemmon, who I have always wanted to hug, but they won’t let me near his grave any more… Or maybe that was Marilyn Monroe). However, I consider that it fulfills so many great criteria (superbly acted, directed, and written), that it cannot avoid being top five, no matter how hard I try.

The story of two musicians, fleeing from the mob during the Prohibition after witnessing a murder, may seem like a drama. But the direction it takes with the characters going undercover reminds many of the simple art of role reversing. ‘It doesn’t matter as long as you’re wearing a skirt,’ as Tony Curtis says. Throughout the film, characters go on self-discoveries all integral to each other, and throwing them in such ridiculous circumstances, where Jack Lemmon dances with an old man, who keeps telling him not to lead.

Without ruining too much, my loyal reader, I cannot help but consider it to be a marvelous and meticulous, musical marvel of misapprehension and even a murder (if anyone is looking for a box blurb). It is the kind of film that begins with an empathetic frown, but ends with nothing short of a smile that circles around your face twice and ties itself back together in a bright little bow (quite the disturbing image, but I stand by it).

4. A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988); could not help but enter in to the top five, because I consider it a victory for dialogue with the visuals. In the case of this film, not only are the visuals fantastic, but also John Cleese and Charles Crichton come up with the most beautiful lines to go with it, which take it past a simple; ‘man trips on a banana skin’, into ‘man trips on a banana skin, onto a pile of banana skins and slides slowly towards an avalanche of bananas’ (Yes. Bananas! Yes, metaphor; this does not happen in the film).

The story covers a group of jewel thieves, who struggle to escape with the loot, but they keep betraying each other. It’s a succession of situations in which characters are depicted as seamless, ridiculous and hilarious, that come together so very superbly. In any other context, it could have been a film-noire (with bank-robbery, lawyer corruption, and even a torture scene). But, enough of spoilers, my loyal reader.

The film toys with dark themes and throws them aside at each point, in favor of some obsessive and three-dimensional characters, who even drift in and out of characters themselves. It is unbelievable how many voices that these two great filmmakers managed to get into the film, but it will leave you delighted.

3. BLAZING SADDLES (1974) is Mel Brooks; unleashed and at his best, full of flamboyant mockery. To begin with, yes, there are many dirty words in this film. Especially, a certain word gets repeated more than others, which in any other context would be deplorable and disgraceful, but set in a Western it works. By demeaning this word so fully, Mel Brooks found a way to make it worse than deplorable (quite simply stupid and ridiculous). Of course the word I’m referring to is ‘land’.

The story circulates around a corrupt politician trying to steal the town from the locals, and an unlikely sheriff (I refuse to use any specific words. I told you I’m not mentioning ‘land’) manages to defeat him.

The film is slapstick, and refuses to apologize for it. It reaches out and hits the border of edgy, and sticks to it, swaying in and out with hilarity everywhere. By the end you will be laughing and you’ll have ridiculed racism and alienation, with the best of them. This is what comedy can do when really motivated; truly stick it to ignorance and prejudice, as they break into ‘I get no kick from Champaign’ (from the musical ‘Anything Goes’). I have felt that this film is the kind of art that can successfully bring people together, whereas often the result of Politically Correct barriers serve to distance people. Making a mockery out of something is the only way to condemn it to History and for any watcher to look forward to a pleasing future. It is a truly great aspect of comedy, which only Mel Brooks can pull off.

2. THE GREAT DICTATOR (1940) as an American-German, born in England (I think that makes me Belgian), I have often felt guilty for being the kind of person who everyone loves to hate (England treated the world bad as a kid, Germany in adulthood, and America in its old age, so what is there for me not to feel guilty about?). The only consolation I can take is in my lack of being in control of that fact (plus the Germans gave us cars, the English; writers… YES, WRITERS, and the Americans; the ipod. Who’s complaining?). Added to that, my loving a certain Great film, by a Great man, who led a Great path, similar to my own. Charlie Chaplin (feel the joy, my loyal reader); if there was a Dollar bill for film, he’d be on both sides, and you’d have to kiss his face before handing it to the teller.

The entirety of the film follows an escape from Nazi Germany, and a call to arms with such brilliance, such vigor, and it is nothing short of brilliant. Not only is it funny, following a blissfully ignorant man slapping SS troopers for painting on his shop, but also it is a mockery of something far more tragic. In the context of this film, it was a desire to weaken Hitler, make him look like the cruel, monstrous person he was. It is, in its own way, a propaganda film, but the same could be said about all films with a point of view. It makes you laugh, and wish that you could be such a talented, gifted and well principled man as the Great Charlie Chaplin.

Even now, retrospectively, the film was not only prophetic, but it serves as the reminder of the Great freedoms that we all have, that we all need, that everyone has right to, and a true sentiment that should make us thankful for the times we live in, and wary of any global corruption that may come our way. It will leave the watcher a better person (simply said, and truthfully meant), not because of hatred or rage, but because of the great criticism that society should have in order to evolve and improve for Greatness (All personal guilt aside; I do not ask forgiveness for repeating that word).

THE GOLD

1. DR. STRANGELOVE OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB (1964); my feelings for the superb ability of Peter Sellers notwithstanding, this film is black comedy, which outperforms because it makes the most serious incident funny. What could be more serious than the destruction of the entire world? How can you laugh at that? It involves a divine cast (where the aforementioned actor picks up three roles; and you can’t even tell), a talented Director (Stanley Kubrick), and a story that had to be visually told.

As a seemingly possible and scary circumstance gets drawn out, you cannot help but laugh at how delightfully insane each character is, yet they grow better and better, with some of the greatest lines of dialogue contrasted against actions and visuals that truly don’t get much more serious. This is comedy. Stories merge, and one disassociates the other. Sounds, visuals, actions, they all clash like a cymbal and leave you feeling great, with a new outlook over leaders and leadership. Who can say they have never been working for a General Jack Ripper, or received advice from an eccentric Dr. Strangelove, or had a desire to ride a bomb like Major ‘King’ Kong? To see people with such dignity, reduced to these sharp realities, brings a sense of great joy to the heart (Earth’s sacrifice will not be forgotten).

Thank you.

Over the next week, I will bring you:

TOP 5 GOLDEN TRAGEDIES

TOP 5 GOLDEN FAMILIES (the genre not my favorite family).

SPECIAL AWARDS FOR EXCELLENCE

And completing with my:

TOP 5 GOLDEN FILM (the mesh of all and every significant factor that make film such a superb work of art).

THE GOLDEN BOX SERIES: EPISODE 1

Since, in attempting a review site, I have no way to establish credibility, aside from listing all the films I have seen (which I considered briefly; before slapping myself in the face for being so stupid). I have decided to devote the next few months to putting up THE GOLDEN BOX (there is no gold or boxes involved). Simply said; I will be going through the greats for you, my loyal reader, as well as for myself. No matter how often you come across a film that makes you want to jab forks into you nipples, there will always be a reason for being so brutal and here is the first episode in the process:

THE GOLDEN PLOT TWISTS

Let me assure any reader first that I will not be revealing any spoilers for the following films, since it would be comparable to dissecting a worm; no one would be that interested and the worm would die.

I must admit that these are my favorite awards. One of the most significant reasons for becoming a screenwriter, is to give the audience that great feeling, which can be only described as ‘completion’, where you rethink the entire film you have just seen and everything completes, shifts into place and clicks like a seat belt stuck in a Rubik’s cube. You feel the entire movie working and fitting in your head and it comes from one short sweet moment, and the shorter the more lasting it leaves that sweet taste in your mouth. You leave the cinema, and can barely speak two words to your friends or to that friendly hobo outside your house.

I consider plot shifts and twists essential to any great story or work of art, and nothing short of fantastic when done well.

Anyway, here is the list of my top five ‘Golden Plot Twists’.

5. PSYCHO (1960): From the very beginning, you believe you know what direction this film is going. You find yourself winding down a road, much like the opening; and realize that you turned off three miles earlier, and are on a plane to a different country, entirely. And, yes, my digression got completely out of hand, but picture a smooth river, which flows along sharp turns, making you second guess the next direction, and that pretty much describes ‘Psycho’. What’s more it builds to a climax that will have you pulling your hair out and staring suspiciously at your family all the way through thanksgiving dinner. A Hitchcock classic for good reason.

4. PLANET OF THE APES (1968); How often do you find yourself accepting the world around you? It is what it is. We all look at something or someone with a certain element of prejudice and assumption; it’s, psychologically, human nature. This film is a true example of how any assumption of one or the other can be fooled to the point that we fool ourselves.

It takes you through a society, which toys with our own, in a way that I cannot help but smile. The beautiful twist magnifies that you don’t and shouldn’t make assumptions, and teaches us to question the world around us, learn and grow, imagine and evolve. The feeling of being fooled comes as such a joyous surprise, but none affects you on a basic level as positively as this delightful play on humanity. Who truly knows when we will be able to overcome the hindrance that is our own ignorance? This film allows some of your self to be set free and for that, I am truly grateful.

3. FIGHT CLUB (1999); the bronze medal will metaphorically be swinging its way to David Fincher (and the writers Jim Uhls and Chuck Palahnuik can fight each other over theirs) for their superb collaboration. Not only was the basic plot of the story a build up to the delightful twist, but David Fincher does everything he can, quite successfully, to make the visuals perfectly compliment the words. This is truly the example of how making a beautiful film is a miracle, where many must interact to give you that great and satisfied feeling, like two jugglers, who realized they had too many knives in the air, but committed to their predicament, and the audience thanked them for it (rather than certain cases where one throws a knife at the other, and storms off the stage).

While it’s difficult, the first time you watch it, to understand the direction it will take, you can’t help but remain curious, nervous, and a little amused; like the first time you have sex in a public place. The twist speeds past, grabbing you by the spine and pulling it out through your mouth, making the mysterious ending all the more enthralling. Moreover, it gives you a fun feeling that perhaps your life isn’t as shitty as you thought it was. Any revelation like that is bound to decrease the amount of irritating melodrama at home, and let people focus on their goals (in a perfect world; no one would need to be warned of this fatal flaw).

2. THE USUAL SUSPECTS (1995): the most difficult part of this job is putting this film anywhere but first. With what could be considered the most memorable twist, it pained me to do it, like I just had a tasty brunch from a beautiful restaurant and then gave them 4/5 on their comment card. But there had to be agonizing concessions made, and so it grabs the silver (which I have sprinkled with gold dust; for the sake of diplomacy). The film has a superb direction and, to me, some of the most delightful dialogue, swearing and transcendent antagonizing that inspired you to go down the wrong direction. Not only that, but one of the most beautiful disguises is given to the climax.

To whoever says, “I knew it all along”, you’re either a liar or should be working for NASA, and consider hard before choosing the latter, because they can spot a fake. You get taken in to this conversation, like a blind and deaf man being lead through, possibly the largest number of suspects in a film, yet they don’t all feel right. You get taken between flashback and present drifting down rapids that are looking more and more intimidating, as you fall. The film that I would most try and emulate, simply because it laughs in the face of any smug audience member who thinks they always know the answer. I did not; fully confessed and declared from a man who grew up on who-done-its. It is the only twist that can afford to take its time, and wash over your face like a bag of puppies covered in cocaine (Don’t think about that simile; it’s evil).

For the gold, I thought it only appropriate to enlarge the suspense, in spite of the fact that I know many people will speed to the end to save time. I can only hope that you, my loyal reader, will allow me to drift you into the greatest plot twist and enjoy it, as much as I did.

THE GOLD

Throughout the course of film, the future has remained a scary and intimidating place, taking a fearful death and ‘A Christmas Carol’ esque fear of retribution and pain that is due in our final hours. And yet this film looks at the future, the battles, the wars and the trials of battling evil. Yet, this realization comes in the midst of such defined good, such defined evil, black and white separated so far apart, over the course of not one but two films. For the film to end the way it did was nothing short of ideal collaborative motion picture.

That feeling of perfection, when you build the device in the board game ‘Mousetrap’ and everything clicks, slips, and jumps towards a delightful end, while your friend desperately tries to roll the dice, is multiplied by the three years between original and sequel, added to what fills both of these iconic films (Wow. That was a satisfyingly long sentence).

In our fictional world that covers you like a warm blanket of whale blubber, and drives you towards waving a large glowing penis extension from a young age, this climax gripped me by both testicles and I haven’t recovered since. To do what George Lucas (Irving Kershner, Lawrence Kasdan and Leigh Brackett) has done by making a sequel, in my opinion, better than the original, is nothing short of superb filmmaking. But to take it to new levels of brilliance and fantasy in our heads is genius (and for me George; you have the right to make whatever films you like; and I will still come back, sitting in the audience, just for a chance to see something that spectacular again). Who could have possibly thought? A lot of innocence was lost; that there was a possibility of connection, a possibility of more than one dimension. Yet, I consider none better than what I give the gold to:

The epic.

The divine.

The future.

1. STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980)

[Be certain you watch STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE (1977) prior to this film]

Thank you.

Over the next week, I will bring you:

TOP 5 GOLDEN COMEDIES

TOP 5 GOLDEN TRAGEDIES

TOP 5 GOLDEN FAMILIES (the genre not my favorite family).

SPECIAL AWARDS FOR EXCELLENCE

And completing with my:

TOP 5 GOLDEN FILM (the mesh of all and every significant factor that make film such a superb work of art).